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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26144239">put your empty hands in mine</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doranwen/pseuds/Doranwen'>Doranwen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Doranwen's Semi-Abandoned WIPs [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>1-800-MISSING</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alpha Reader Needed, Gen, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Not Beta Read, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Read at Your Own Risk, WIP, not actively being written, post-episode, posted for those who like reading WIPs that may never be finished</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2013-09-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2013-09-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:07:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26144239</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doranwen/pseuds/Doranwen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jess finds herself the one Sunny and Brooke turn to after the events of White Whale.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brooke Haslett &amp; Jess Mastriani, Sunny Estrada &amp; Jess Mastriani</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Doranwen's Semi-Abandoned WIPs [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897975</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>We saw so little of Sunny's reaction to being strapped to a bomb, more than some shows, perhaps, but not enough for my liking!  And I found the scene at the end of the episode, where Jess runs to her and brushes her hair out of her face, to show a deeper relationship than the show touched on.  So I started writing this, and then realized I didn't know anything about PTSD (and didn't trust my ability to research it properly at the time) and I didn't know exactly where I was going with the relationships (or whether they were even in character).  Hence why it joined my WIP collection.</p><p>In case you missed the tags: This is unfinished. It is not being worked on. It may always be unfinished (unless someone really wants to see it finished and is willing to do a lot of chatting with me to help that). You have been warned; don't expect any more of this fic to be posted (though you can always hit the Subscribe button; one never knows what might happen!).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunny tried to squash the desperate feeling welling in her again, flicking her eyes between the bomb currently strapped to her and the doorway in the back of the auditorium where Denton had exited minutes before.  Another trickle escaped her eyes, joining the beads of sweat all over her face.  Her mouth was dry (a sharp contrast to her skin and eyes), the bright light of the auditorium stage combined with the heavy bomb apparatus was making every fiber of clothing sodden and sticky, and she didn't want to think about her pants.  Denton hadn't considered letting her use a restroom even once during the whole twenty hours she'd been his captive; too risky, he said.  <i>He was right, too.  I would've taken him out if he'd given me the slightest wiggle room.</i>  Maybe.  It would depend on where his bomb trigger was.  She glanced down and shuddered mentally again.</p><p>She hadn't lied entirely; she wasn't afraid of him personally, but she really, really didn't want to die.  <i>If it were only torture, if I knew he would leave me alive… I could handle it.</i>  And facing the impending reality of one's death wasn't easy, but that was just her alone.  If he got Brooke there… she couldn't see how they would both live.  She attempted to blink back another tear.</p><p>The click of the door closing at the back drew her eyes up.  The sight that met them was both welcoming and horrifying: Brooke strode down the stairs towards her, calling her name in the gentlest tones she'd ever heard Brooke use.  And Denton was right behind her.  <i>She didn't… she <b>knows</b> better!</i>  Sunny knew the rules of hostage situations.  She knew <b>Brooke</b> knew them—and had just broken them all.</p><p>"You all right, Sunny?" Brooke asked.</p><p>"I'm fine," Sunny called back in reassurance.  She'd save the chewing Brooke out part for later—if there <b>was</b> a later for her.  And if there was going to be one, the only way she could help was to stay out of whatever Brooke was doing.  Sunny decided she really <b>hated</b> being a liability.</p><p>So she watched Denton's finger hover above the trigger, as he ordered Brooke to unload her gun.  Sunny tried to make herself breathe.  The gun clattered across the seats.  For some reason, breathing didn't get any easier.</p><p>She tuned out Denton's attempt at a speech.  She'd heard enough already; it wouldn't help her get out of her predicament.  Either Brooke would find a way to save her, or she would die.  <i>Hell of a task for a friend,</i> she thought.</p><p>Then he pressed the button, and fled.  The timer started beeping.  <i>This is it,</i> Sunny told herself.  Brooke would have to be crazy to try to disarm a bomb made by a serial killer with a philosophical obsession.</p><p>Brooke grabbed the "instructions" and ran towards Sunny.  <i>OK, she's crazy.</i>  Brooke only had a little bomb squad training; she didn't defuse them on a regular basis.</p><p>The seconds ticked away; every beep seemed to make Sunny's heart pound more.  They were running out of time, and Brooke didn't seem to be making headway at reading the paper Denton left.</p><p>"We got him!"  Sunny's heart lifted a little when she heard Coyle shout; at least her death would be Denton's last kill?  At this point she had resigned herself to that fate.  Well, as resigned as one could get with a racing heart and short breaths.</p><p>It was one thing to submit to death; it was another to watch a friend sacrifice herself.  When Coyle sent the others away and headed towards her, that was the last straw.  <i>I can't watch them both do this!</i>  "Get <b>out</b> of here!  I am speaking to the <b>both</b> of you!" she called loud enough for him to hear.  They promptly ignored her.  Somehow she'd expected that—but she dreaded it all the same.</p><p>Every breath became a struggle, each beep an almost-perceptible slamming in her chest.  Another tear slipped down her cheek.  She tried to focus on the conversation, but the only thing that sunk in was that neither of them really knew for sure what to do, thanks to Denton's mind games.  "You guys, get <b>out</b> of here," she gasped, not bothering to hold back the tears.  At least they could let her die knowing they were alive and well, if they left now.  They didn't, of course.</p><p>Brooke settled on the black wire, and glanced at Sunny before doing it.  Sunny could no longer respond, her face frozen and staring at Brooke's hands as they positioned themselves to pull the wire.  Brooke yanked.</p><p>The timer fizzled out.  Sunny collapsed onto the chains like a puppet whose strings were cut, heaving as she tried to catch her breath.  <i>It's over,</i> she tried to tell herself.  Her lungs and heart didn't seem to get the picture.</p><p>Brooke and Coyle seemed frozen in place, their breathing not as labored as Sunny's but paralyzing all the same.  They crouched, rooted to the spot, a tableau of almost-statues for ten seconds.  Then Jess peeked around the corner at the back; deciding the scene in front of her meant success, she sped down the steps, followed by the other agents.</p><p>"Somebody get me some bolt cutters!" Coyle called to them.  Brooke stood up and rested a hand briefly on Sunny's shoulder.  Sunny gritted her teeth slightly to prevent the chattering she could feel any minute now.  She lifted her head to look at Brooke, hoping that some little bit of gratitude was being communicated by her eyes; the rest of her face was too uncontrollable right then.</p><p>Sunny ducked her head as Jess ran up.  "Hey," Jess breathed, leaning her forehead against Sunny's.  She placed a hand on Sunny's head briefly; the gesture started crumbling the clamps on her teeth.  "You okay?" Jess asked in a whisper, reaching a hand to grip the other woman's.  Sunny's teeth started to chatter.  Jess wrapped her arms around Sunny, who leaned into her as far as the chains would allow her.  "Breathe with me," Jess insisted, as Sunny's shoulders shuddered in her attempts to draw air into her lungs.  "In, out.  In, out," Jess guided.  The tears started to stream down Sunny's face.  The bomb was still sitting on her chest, but a feeling of safety started to creep in with the others surrounding her; Brooke and Coyle guarding, Jess comforting.  The trio of protectors held their places for the couple minutes it took for the chattering and gasping to settle.  Sunny thought she might be able to breathe again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By that time the bolt cutters had arrived.  Jess backed off to give the agents carrying them the space to work.  She stepped over to Brooke, noting a smudge of wetness on her cheek.  "Hey, um, is there a change of clothes somewhere?  She's going to want…" Jess trailed off.</p><p>Brooke had been close to Sunny too; she knew what Jess was referring to.  "Someone probably has a spare set of clothing in their car, I'll ask," she said.  Jess nodded.</p><p>"Oh wait," she called as Brooke started to turn away.  "And a clean cloth or two?  Unless this place has a shower, but I don't think so."</p><p>Brooke gave a nod of understanding.  "I'll see what I can do."  She turned to snag an agent nearby, one who <b>wasn't</b> involved with carrying the bomb very carefully outside.</p><p>Jess turned her attention back to Sunny.  The other woman was still trembling a little, but she seemed to have more control over her muscles, stiff as they looked.  <i>Not surprising, she hasn't moved them for most of a day.</i>  Sunny attempted to stretch an arm out straight, wincing.  Jess knelt down.  "It might help if I massaged them first," she suggested quietly.  Sunny nodded her assent.</p><p>Sunny's arms were soaked with sweat; her hair draped limply at the edges of her forehead.  She alternated between closing her eyes for a few brief seconds and watching Jess's hands working to bring proper circulation back.  Looking anywhere else seemed to be too much effort at that point.  When Jess finished with the arms, she started on Sunny's ankles and lower legs.</p><p>By the time Jess reached the knees, Brooke was standing by her side quietly, holding a plastic bag.  "I found a change of clothes and a couple clean towels.  You'll go with her?"  The last remark was more of a statement than a question.</p><p>Jess tipped her head in a brief yes and took the bag from Brooke as she stood up.  "I'm fine," Sunny asserted, determination creeping into her voice.  "I don't need a babysitter."  She rose on shaky legs; Jess wrapped an arm around her far shoulder to steady her.</p><p>"That's good, because I'm not a babysitter," Jess retorted to her.  "Come on, humor us a little?"  She turned to Brooke.  "Nearest bathroom?"</p><p>"On the right once you get up there," Brooke gestured to the back of the auditorium.</p><p>"Thanks," Jess called, following Sunny back, a hand resting on her shoulder.</p><hr/><p>Jess followed Sunny into the bathroom.  "Ugh, counter's dusty."  She grabbed a paper towel and wet it down to clean the counter off.  "There, spare jacket and pants, and Brooke came through with a couple of clean towels," she commented, pulling them out of the bag as she spoke.  "You can get one wet for a washcloth."</p><p>"I'm fine, you don't have to baby me," Sunny insisted.</p><p>Jess looked her in the eyes.  "I'm not.  You almost <b>died</b>, Sunny," she said in a low, intense voice.  "We're all feeling just a bit protective right now.  And after what happened, I don't think it will hurt you to be cared for a little."  She lifted a hand and brushed some of Sunny's hair away from her forehead.  "Promise me something?"  Jess eyed the growing wall in Sunny's face.</p><p>Sunny sighed.  "What?"</p><p>"Promise me you won't shove us away, me and Brooke.  That you'll be honest about how you're handling this."  Jess met Sunny's eyes squarely.  Sunny flicked her eyes away, unwilling to meet Jess's; she stared at the floor, closing her eyes for a few seconds.  "Please?"  Jess gently gripped Sunny's shoulder.  After a minute, Sunny lifted her eyes wearily up.  Jess shuddered mentally; the shades had dropped from Sunny's eyes, revealing an intense mix of anguish and fear.  Sunny exhaled slowly and gave a brief nod.  Jess folded her in a quick hug, then half-turned, reaching for the door handle.  "I'll be right outside the door the whole time you're getting changed and all.  Yell if you need me, OK?"  Another nod, and Jess exited.</p><hr/><p>Sunny emerged ten minutes later, looking much calmer.  The tear tracks on her face had been erased, and she was vastly more comfortable.  <i>I can't <b>wait</b> to be out of this hot building.</i>  Jess, true to her word, was standing right by the door when she opened it, and Brooke had joined her.</p><p>Brooke smiled when she saw Sunny emerge.  "You're looking better."</p><p>Sunny nodded.  "I left the clothes I was wearing on the counter, so you can bag them."</p><p>Brooke opened her mouth to comment, then closed it.  "All right," she said after a minute, "I'll have one of the techs get an evidence bag.  Meet me in the parking lot?"  She lifted her eyebrows slightly.</p><p>"We'll be there," Jess answered.  "Ready to go?" she asked Sunny with a grin.</p><p>"I was ready hours ago," Sunny declared.  "I don't want to see this building <b>ever</b> again."</p><p>"Fortunately, I suspect you won't have to."  Jess slung an arm companionably around Sunny's shoulders as they walked through the hallways.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The parking lot was swarming with agents; some were hooking a car up to be towed, while others were carrying pieces of evidence with accompanying documentation.  A clump of agents stood at the edge of a nearby field (<i>that must be where the bomb is</i>, Jess noted).  She glanced at Sunny, whose brief burst of energy seemed to be fading.  "C'mon, let's go to Coyle's car; I came with him."</p><p>"Did you guys follow Brooke here?" Sunny asked as they walked.</p><p>"No, she went where Denton told her, but all they found there was her empty car."  Jess pursed her lips.</p><p>"How did you find me?" Sunny spoke quietly.</p><p>"Brooke had told me to think about my dreams, so I sat at your computer and entered combinations into the program.  It finally hit me, he'd said a line about 'good hope' in one of my dreams, and it wasn't the same as the book.  I figured that had to be a clue, right?  I entered it into the computer, and it came up with "Hope Hall" here.  So I ran downstairs and told Coyle.  We probably broke every speed limit on the way," Jess said with a half-grin.  She looked over at Sunny, who hadn't yet cracked even the hint of a smile.  Jess creased her forehead and blinked away the little bit of moisture that tried to form in her eyes.</p><p>"There's Coyle's car," Jess pointed out.  Sunny didn't say anything.  "I think it's unlocked," Jess said, testing the door.  It opened easily.  She glanced over at Sunny, who seemed to have frozen in place.  Her eyes stared at the door, as if she was looking through it.  "Sunny?" Jess called softly.</p><p>Sunny jumped a little.  Her eyes, startled, scanned rapidly from side to side till they settled on Jess.  "What?" she said quickly.</p><p>Jess tilted her head.  "Where were you just now?"</p><p>"What do you mean?"  Sunny didn't meet her eyes, flicking them to the ground and away from Jess.</p><p><i>Uh-uh.  We're not doing this again.</i>  Jess gently reached for Sunny's shoulders and turned her so they were face-to-face.  Sunny sighed, tossing her head back.  Her eyes still looked everywhere but Jess. "C'mon, Sunny," Jess pleaded, "you promised."  She slid a hand between Sunny's cheek and hair, brushing a few wisps away with her thumb.</p><p>Sunny studied the ground, but began to speak in low tones.  "I was coming out of the burger joint with my food, when I saw my car.  The door was open.  When I got closer, I could see a clock on the seat…" her voice trailed off, and she blinked a couple times.</p><p>Jess brushed her fingers through Sunny's hair, bringing her hand back down.  "There are no clocks on the seat here."  She paused for a few seconds.  "I think you need to sit down again.  OK?"  She gave Sunny a nudge towards the open door, and the other woman finally moved past Jess into the car.</p><p>Jess closed the door and walked around the trunk.  Brooke emerged from behind one of the other FBI vehicles.  "Is Sunny with you, Jess?" she called.</p><p>"Yeah, I had her get in the car; she's a little tired."</p><p>Brooke pressed her lips together and nodded slightly.  "She's probably hungry too; I'll see what can be done about that."  She opened the door opposite Sunny and poked her head in.  "We're almost done here, then we can take you to the hospital."</p><p>"I don't need a hospital; I'm fine," Sunny contended.</p><p>"Did he knock you out?" Brooke demanded.</p><p>Sunny sighed.  "Yes, he knocked me out, but I'm <b>fine</b>."</p><p>"Then you need to go."  Brooke's voice was quiet but unyielding.</p><p>"I told you—" Sunny began.</p><p>Jess slipped her head in the door.  "Sunny…"</p><p>Sunny closed her eyes wearily.  "Fine, whatever.  I'll go."</p><p>Brooke gave her a short nod.  "Good."  She lifted her head and waited for Jess to stand back up before she shut the door.  She scanned Jess's face—for what, Jess wasn't sure.  "Coyle's got a couple questions for you," she said finally.</p><p>Jess glanced back at the car.  Sunny had her head against the window, eyes closed.  Jess turned back to face Brooke.  "All right," she said.  They walked past the other vehicles, back into the building.  Brooke stepped off to the side, away from everyone.  Jess gave her a quizzical look.  "You said Coyle had some questions for me?"</p><p>Brooke gave Jess a hint of a smile in return.  "<b>I</b> have a question for you.  And I wanted to be away from Sunny when I asked it."  Jess raised her eyebrows.  "She's listening to you, isn't she?"  Jess met Brooke's gaze evenly, but said nothing.  "I'm not asking for details, Jess.  But I just saw her refuse to go to the hospital until you called her name, then she did an about-face.  She is, isn't she?"  Jess dipped her head in a tiny nod.  "Good.  I'll make sure you stay with her as much as possible, then."  The first glimpse of a real smile started to crack through Brooke's mask.  She put a hand on Jess's shoulder.  "Go take care of her, OK?  We'll be right out."</p><p>"OK."  Jess smiled back, then turned to head to the car again.</p><hr/><p>Coyle was giving an agent some instructions when Brooke found him.  The other agent smiled to see her.  "I'll have that done in a few minutes.  See you later, Haslett."  Brooke smiled back.</p><p>"How's Sunny?" Coyle asked her.</p><p>"Tired.  Defensive."</p><p>"I expected as much."  They passed a few agents, Coyle checking on the progress of various tasks.  "Is she willing to get herself checked out?"</p><p>"Surprisingly, yes.  Jess… has some influence over her.  Not sure how far it goes, but she got Sunny to agree to the hospital with one word," Brooke answered.</p><p>Coyle stopped short, raising his eyebrows.  "Really."  He started walking again, and Brooke caught up beside him.  "Make use of that, will you?" he asked.</p><p>Brooke smiled slightly.  "Will do."  An agent called on the radio, and he responded.  When he was done speaking, Brooke continued, "I left Jess and Sunny at your car.  Mine was left at the avionics field—"</p><p>"It's still there," Coyle interrupted.  "Jess told me where to find you before we had time to do anything about it."</p><p>"Then I guess you're my ride there."</p><p>"All right," said Coyle.  "I'll see you at the car, then; this should be wrapped up in just a minute."  He turned to answer a question as Brooke strode out the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jess opened the other door to the backseat, opposite Sunny, who jolted awake from her nap with a slight gasp and wide eyes.  "It's just me," said Jess, sliding into the car and closing the door.  Sunny looked out the other window.  Jess bit her lip, thinking for a few seconds.  Her face relaxed as she settled on a course of action.  She began to gently run her fingers through Sunny's hair.  <i>She puts up a fight with words, but with physical contact…</i>  Her theory paid off in a minute; Sunny turned her face back towards Jess, blinking back a tear.  "You look really tired," Jess commented.  Sunny simply nodded.  "You want to lay down while we wait?"</p><p>Sunny looked at her for a little while, her face blank.  "OK," she replied quietly, shifting to lean across the backseat.  Jess crooked her arm in her lap to create a pillow, and used her other hand to slowly rub Sunny's shoulders.  The tension in them began to fade slightly as Jess methodically smoothed her hand along the expanse of Sunny's back.</p><p>Jess would've been startled had she not heard Brooke's footsteps coming towards the car.  Sunny quivered only a little when the door opened, but Jess caught the flicker of her eyelids, which settled into a convincing appearance of sleep.  She lifted her hand from Sunny's shoulders and reached over her to clasp one of Sunny's hands in hers.  She felt a slight squeeze, and squeezed back.</p><p>"Coyle will be out here in a minute, he said," Brooke informed Jess.  She looked down at Sunny, whose smooth eyelids and lack of movement created the façade of perfect rest.  Brooke's eyes softened and lifted up to meet Jess, who read the wordless "thank you" in them.</p><p>Jess responded with a warm half-smile and a shrug.  She slid her thumb across Sunny's hand in a soothing gesture.  "I'm <b>so</b> ready to get out of here," Jess said in a low voice.</p><p>"Well, you're in luck, then," Brooke replied, nodding her head towards the opposite window.</p><p>Jess followed the tilt of her head to see Coyle, along with several other agents, exiting the building and splitting up as they headed for their respective vehicles.  "I'll leave the two of them with you, Brooke," he said, gesturing towards the back seat as he got in.  "I've got a few more things to wrap up yet."</p><p>"All right," Brooke responded, looking back one more time at Sunny before she turned to stare out the window.</p><p>Jess closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the seat.  <i><b>Finally</b> this nightmare is starting to end.</i></p><hr/><p>Sunny kept her eyes closed during the brief ride to the field.  If they thought she was asleep, she wouldn't have to answer questions or talk.  Jess wasn't fooled, of course, but Sunny was starting to sort her in a different category in her mind.  Jess didn't push at her unless she needed to—Sunny's mind flashed back to the bathroom at the auditorium—and when she did, she seemed to know just how to crumble Sunny's internal walls and provide the support that she couldn't seem to muster.  Jess also knew exactly how quiet and calm to be without pitying Sunny.  She owed Jess her <b>life</b>, Sunny realized.  Sure, Brooke had been trying to figure out the instructions, but—Sunny tried to remember what had actually been happening in those frantic moments—the senior agent had been too panicked to read them properly, and had to have Coyle read them to her.  <i>Without Jess, they'd never have known where I was…</i>  Sunny shuddered mentally.  Brooke hadn't shown it otherwise, though.  <i>Even when she's panicking inside, she can act like she's keeping it all together.</i>  Sunny had tried to be strong with Denton, but he'd known <b>exactly</b> how to get to her.  She had been weak.  And stupid, she had realized, to go get food alone, with a serial killer hunting down Brooke's friends and associates.  She'd spent enough hours that long, long day, forcing herself to see that.</p><p>Sunny's thoughts whirled in circles, anxiety increasing as she chastised herself and dreaded the next few hours, calming with the brush of Jess's thumb on her hand and the purr of the car's engine.  No one talked; Sunny guessed they all were reviewing the events of the day.  Wondering what they could have done differently, seeing what could've gone wrong…  Her mind shied away from the thought of what might have happened, and her hand's grip on Jess's tightened involuntarily as a shiver ran down her back.  The strokes on her hand slowed, broadening.  Sunny ordered herself to relax, remembering the minutes right afterward, the single-minded focus on when to breathe.  <i>In, out.  In, out.</i></p><p>Sunny had finally relaxed somewhat, when she felt herself being gently lifted upright.  She opened her eyes to see they were approaching the dark form of Brooke's car.  <i>Thank you, Jess.</i>  She was <b>so</b> tired of jumping at everything.</p><p>"Here you are," announced Coyle.  "I'll meet you at the hospital in a few minutes, Brooke."</p><p>"See you then," Brooke answered him, turning to see Sunny yawning.  "You holding up?" she asked Sunny.</p><p>"I'm fine, just tired," Sunny answered.  It was marginally true.  She wasn't going to collapse or have a nervous breakdown.  She <b>hoped</b> she wouldn't have a panic attack, but anything could happen.  She felt like someone had downloaded a virus into her system; it did random things she wasn't planning on.  Brooke didn't need to know any of that, anyway—it wasn't as if she was trying to hide anything.  Her promise to Jess loomed in her mind.  <i>If she asks…</i>  But she hadn't asked, and Sunny didn't feel like volunteering anything that evening.  The weariness had sunk into her bones at this point.  She didn't realize how much, till she realized that Jess had already gotten out of the car and opened her door before she'd managed to think of opening it.  She found herself welcoming the assistance out of the car, barely aware of the arm wrapped firmly around her shoulders as she focused on putting one foot in front of the other.</p><p>Brooke made no comment about Jess's choice of seating; the younger woman settled herself in the back seat, easing Sunny's head onto her lap in a copy of their previous position.  Sunny slipped her hand into the one currently attached to her "pillow".  She felt silly—<i>I'm acting like a little kid!</i>—but she could feel herself relaxing a little, even more when she felt Jess gliding her other hand across her shoulders and down her back.  Her eyes were already closed when her stomach rumbled.</p><p>"I heard that," Jess said with a grin in her voice.  "Brooke, what's open at this time of night?  Sunny's stomach is complaining about the fast it's been on."</p><p>"Well, this <b>is</b> a college town, there should be something open around here," Brooke said.  "Let's see what there is on the main drag through town."  She steered the car away from the avionics field, hitting speed dial on her cell phone with one hand.  "It's me.  We're going to look for some food first; Sunny's hungry, and so am I."  She expertly maneuvered with one hand.  "We were just heading that way.  I'll check it out, thanks."  She hit "end" on the phone and dropped it on the seat beside her.  "Coyle says there's a Denny's on the main street; they're open all the time," she called back.  "What do you feel like having?"</p><p>At this point, Sunny really didn't care.  "Whatever," she said.  "I never got my burger last night…"  Her voice trailed off.  She tried to clear her mind.  "Pick whatever, I don't care."  She focused on the gentle backrub and the hum of the car and breathed slowly.</p><p>The drive was short, and Brooke soon pulled into the parking lot.  "I'll just get takeout.  You want anything, Jess?" she asked, leaning her head back in the car.</p><p>"I'm partial to cheese sticks," Jess said with a grin.</p><p>"All right, I'll be out in a few minutes."  She closed the door and walked towards the restaurant.</p><p>Silence filled the car for a minute.  "How are you doing?" asked Jess softly.</p><p>Sunny sighed.  "Everyone keeps asking me that."</p><p>"You <b>do</b> understand why," Jess pointed out.</p><p>The sigh was more pointed this time.  "I wasn't raped, he didn't even touch me beyond tying me up, I'm only a little hungry, thirsty, and tired.  Nothing serious.  <b>He didn't hurt me.</b>"</p><p>Jess was quiet for a minute.  "There are more ways of hurting someone than just physically," she said finally.  "Did he talk to you?"</p><p>The answer was delayed.  "Yes."</p><p>"What did you talk about?"</p><p>"I told him—" Sunny squeezed her eyes and took another breath, "I told him he didn't scare me."</p><p>Jess switched from broad strokes to light circles.  "And?"</p><p>"He told me how the bomb worked."  She skipped the other details.  It was hard enough to remember them for herself.  And she would have to dredge plenty of it up once they checked her out; she knew how statements worked.</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"Random," Sunny whispered.  "It was a random letter generator, every thirty seconds.  When the letters BBB came up, it'd start the timer."  She recalled Denton's walkthrough; her hand trembled and was answered with a gentle squeeze.  Jess asked no more questions, much to Sunny's relief.  <i>I just want this all to be over.</i></p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Brooke's coming back," Jess observed, helping Sunny sit back up.</p><p>"Bon appetit," Brooke announced, handing Jess her bag.  "Mozzarella cheese sticks for you, Jess."</p><p>"Thanks," Jess said, breathing in the smell of hot grease.  "Mmm…" she breathed, reaching in and pulling one out to let it cool down before taking a bite.</p><p>Brooke handed Sunny hers.  "I got you a veggie omelette.  Light, easy on the stomach.  And a smoothie, to counter the dehydration."</p><p>"Thanks."  Sunny took the plastic utensil Brooke proffered and dug in.</p><p>“What'd you get, Brooke?” Jess asked, snagging another cheese stick.</p><p>“Fish and chips.”  Brooke popped one into her mouth.</p><p>“Feeling a little British?” Jess's voice had a hint of amusement in it.</p><p>"Shh, don't tell anyone," Brooke whispered conspiratorially.  She started the car, checking her rearview mirror as she pulled out of the parking space.</p><p>"Secret's safe with me."  Jess mimed zipping her lips.  She bit into another stick, giving Sunny a side glance as she did so.  The other woman methodically ate her omelette.  Jess's mind kept reviewing what she had learned.  Random.  To know you were going to die… but not when.  Jess would admit there was a lot she didn't know; she was okay with that.  But Sunny, on the other hand—Jess remembered her introduction, when she first started working with the Bureau.  The "Einstein of Indianapolis", Sunny had called herself.  She <b>lived</b> off knowledge, off being able to know or find out as much as possible.  She hated not knowing.  <i>For someone who relies on knowledge, to be deprived of it, deliberately, <b>knowing</b> death was going to get you, but not having any idea whether it would be in the next five minutes or the next five hours</i>—Jess closed her eyes as a fresh wave of empathy rolled over her.  Denton was a—there wasn't a good word for him.  And none of the bad ones were strong enough.</p><p>Sunny had cleaned up all traces of tears in the bathroom, but the sight of her face right after the bomb was defused made it obvious that she'd fought tears for a good long while—not entirely successfully.  That, Jess figured, was a contributing factor to Sunny's exhaustion.  She'd been up <b>very</b> late trying to get everyone protected, given a concussion when she was kidnapped, then spent most of a day in intense anxiety and fear, culminating in nearly being blown up.  <i>I'd be as tired as her if my day had been as stressful.</i>  Jess felt totally wiped out, but worry about a missing friend, even knowing who had taken her, wasn't quite on the same level as the nightmare Sunny had been through.  <i>Right now I'd guess she's drained of just about all the energy she's got.</i>  Which made dealing with her much more of a delicate task; Jess was running on instinct.  She crossed her fingers.</p><p>Jess finished the cheese sticks, licking the grease off her fingers.  She yawned as the car pulled into the hospital parking lot.  "Here we are," Brooke said, gathering up the remnants of her food.</p><p>Sunny stared out the window without moving.  Jess was not surprised.  <i>I am so tired right now…</i>  She forced herself to get out and open Sunny's door.  "Hey," she said softly as Sunny turned to look at her.  "Time to go in."  She reached out a hand; Sunny clasped it, and pushed herself slowly upright.  Jess studied Sunny's face.  The other woman's motions were empty, almost mechanical, her face blank.  It was as if all the essence that made Sunny <b>Sunny</b> had been sucked out of her and only the shell was left, shuffling along.  Jess slid an arm around Sunny's shoulders and gave a light squeeze.  "C'mon," she murmured, and they walked across the lot to the sliding doors of the ER.</p><p>"I'll get the forms she'll need to fill out.  Sunny, can I have your badge?"  Brooke held her hand out as Sunny dug in the pocket of the borrowed pants and pulled her badge out.  "Go ahead and have a seat; this won't take long."  Brooke gestured to Jess, who guided Sunny to a padded bench off to the side.</p><p>Jess looked around.  The emergency room wasn't too busy at that time of night, but there were a few other people waiting as well.  A family with a small child, a few elderly people.  She glanced over to the reception desk, where Brooke was busy showing the badges and talking to the woman at the admitting desk.  Jess turned her head to look at Sunny again.  She reminded Jess vaguely of a zombie; her face was void of expression, eyes unseeing.  <i>Every time I look at her, she seems to wilt a little more.</i>  Wilting was better than lashing out, though, and she suspected <b>that</b> was the other course of action Sunny might have taken.  Jess shifted her body sideways and gently pulled the other woman towards her.  Sunny put up no resistance, leaning her head against Jess's neck and closing her eyes.  Jess wrapped her other arm around Sunny, simply holding her.</p><p>Brooke returned quickly, true to her word.  "She's in the system now; we just have to wait for a free room.  They said it might be a few minutes yet."  Brooke's eyes assessed the pair in front of her; Jess looked beyond the steady gaze to read the pain underneath.  <i>Someone else I need to talk to, while I'm being the Bureau psychologist,</i> Jess told herself with a touch of humor.  She really wasn't <b>trying</b> to fill that role…  "Have a seat," Jess suggested.  "They're really quite comfortable."</p><p>Brooke exhaled slowly.  "OK," she finally answered, sitting next to Jess.  She leaned her head back, eyes closed for a brief rest.</p><p>"Good, you're here," came Coyle's voice, and Jess looked up to see him striding towards them.  His eyes took in the scene in front of him.  "How long till they have a look at her?" he asked.</p><p>"A few more minutes," Brooke replied, eyes opening wearily.  She made no effort to move otherwise.  "Whenever the more critical cases are seen.  And barring anyone coming in that needs immediate treatment."</p><p>Coyle nodded.  He dropped his voice low, crouching next to Brooke.  Jess had to listen carefully to make out his next words.  "What do you think?  Statement now or after they look at her?"</p><p>Brooke twisted her head to look at Sunny, lying statuelike in Jess's arms.  "I'd say now, before she gets more tired—except I think she's as tired as she can get.  Resting now might give her enough energy to give a brief statement later."</p><p>"OK," Coyle agreed.  He stood up slowly, stifling a yawn, and looked around.  Finding a nearby chair, he settled into it, propping his head on his hand and resting his eyes.</p><p>Jess let her eyes slide shut, too tired to care about watching the room.  Her world shrunk till the chatter of the other waiting families turned into a blurred wall of sound; she tuned out her sense of hearing, focusing on the slight movement of Sunny's chest and the breaths warming her neck.  Jess matched them, letting her awareness fall away into a mental void; <i>in, out, in, out.</i></p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunny had long lost track of what was going on around her; she couldn't remember feeling this tired since the toughest field training at Quantico.  She had retreated mentally, shutting out sight and sound; Jess's arms were a protective cradle; her shoulder a pillow.  Then Sunny realized her pillow was moving.</p><p>"Sunny?" came Jess's voice.</p><p>Sunny struggled to process the sound.  "Mmm," she grunted.</p><p>Jess smoothed a hand on Sunny's shoulders gently.  "C'mon, wake up, they're ready to see you."</p><p>Sunny slowly slid to an upright position and rubbed her eyes blearily.  She blinked a couple times.  "OK."  Jess stood up, offering a hand; Sunny took it and got to her feet, welcoming the shift to an arm that came around her shoulder and steered her.  At this point, she was so tired she didn't care where she went, as long as she got to sit down when she got there.  She was semi-aware of reaching the room, noting in a corner of her mind when Brooke and Coyle left.  Jess stayed with her; Sunny leaned against her, trying to gather any spare bits of energy she could before she had to answer questions.</p><p>The exam was a blur, when Sunny tried to remember what happened when.  Jess summarized the day for the doctor, and he asked Sunny questions about what she remembered, what day it was, etc.  There was a lot of tapping, touching her face, having her move this way and that…  Sunny struggled against the fatigue threatening to claim her again, pulling together enough energy to do what was asked of her.  It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally sat back.  "Well, your responses are basically normal, though you're clearly exhausted.  It sounds like you had a pretty hard knock to the head, and we don't know how hard you might have hit it when you fell.  I'd like to have a CAT scan done to be sure we don't miss something."  Sunny nodded, fighting eyes trying to slip to half-mast.</p><p>A nurse came in with a wheelchair, and Sunny sank into it, head nodding a little.  "I'll see you when you get back out, OK, Sunny?" Jess said, laying a hand on Sunny's shoulder briefly.</p><p>"All right," Sunny replied, limbs limp and eyes closing already.  <i>One more step towards the end of all of this.</i></p><hr/><p>Jess twisted her mouth into a half-grin when she emerged into the ER again.  Brooke and Coyle were mirror images of each other, both slumped on the couch napping, heads propped opposite ways.  "Aww, how cute," Jess joked as she reached them.</p><p>Brooke cracked her eyes open.  Coyle sat up.  "Where's Sunny?" he asked.</p><p>"CAT scan," Jess answered.  "They wanted to be sure there wasn't anything.  So they sent me back out here to wait."</p><p>Coyle nodded.  "She shouldn't be long, then.  I'm going to go make a few phone calls outside while we wait."  He stretched slowly as he pulled himself out of the couch and headed towards the exit.</p><p>Jess dropped onto the couch with a sigh.  "I feel almost as tired as Sunny looks, and I had a few naps last night."  She scrutinized Brooke, who had sat up and was blinking her eyes awake.  "You look halfway refreshed."  Jess wrinkled her face in an expression of slight jealousy.  "Why is that?"</p><p>"I <b>did</b> just get a nap, and you didn't," Brooke pointed out.  "But your naps last night were interrupted by your dreams, and you've been expending a lot of energy with Sunny."</p><p>Jess nodded.  "It reminds me a little of dealing with my brother, but I don't know why.  It's not like schizophrenia's the same as being strapped to a bomb."  She frowned in puzzlement.</p><p>"Probably because you're focusing entirely on her, to the exclusion of dealing with your own needs.  You've probably done that with him at times."  Brooke glanced over at Jess, who met her eyes, once again seeing the pain leaking through.  Brooke shifted her eyes away, as if aware of what she was revealing.  "I'm glad you're here.  I couldn't do what you're doing."  She pressed her lips together, looking around the room.</p><p>Some extra sense of Jess's—<i>must be a seventh, I already have a sixth sense</i>, Jess quipped mentally—raised alarm bells on the last sentence.  <i>That's the key,</i> Jess noted to herself.  "What do you mean?" she asked, tilting her head sideways.  "You focus on people just fine."</p><p>Brooke looked down at her hands, turning them over in her lap.  She looked up at Jess.  "But <b>you</b> are the one Sunny trusts.  I don't inspire that in people."  Jess opened her mouth to protest, then closed it when Brooke continued.  "You have an openness, a warmth that draws people in.  I'm very good at keeping them out."  She drew a deep breath and looked away for a few seconds.  She turned back to Jess.  "One of the last things Sunny said to me before—", she stopped abruptly, then kept going, "she called me 'someone who likes her privacy'.  She was right."</p><p>Jess could take no more.  "Of course she trusts you!  She trusted you to rescue her, and you did."  Brooke closed her eyes and rubbed her fingers in the corners; Jess was startled to see traces of moisture when Brooke pulled her hands away.</p><p>Brooke lowered her voice, pressing her forehead into her hands. "I didn't rescue her, I failed her," she said with a slight hitch.  Brooke lifted her head up, still looking down.  "Before you arrived, I was trying to read the Denton's 'instructions' for the bomb.  I was too panicked to even read them right.  Both of us would have died had you two not shown up."  She fiddled with her hands in her lap.  "I had to have Coyle read the instructions to me so I could focus on them.  He might not have noticed, but I'm sure Sunny did."  Brooke met Jess's eyes.</p><p>Jess's heart went out to the other woman.  "Oh, Brooke…" she sighed.</p><p>"Worst of all, I'm the reason she was even kidnapped in the first place.  Denton was trying to get to me through attacking people close to me.  So when I needed a list of people to be protected, who did I immediately think of to organize it?  Sunny.  Who did I forget to put on the list?  Sunny."  Brooke pressed her lips tightly together, looking straight ahead.</p><p>Jess reached over to put a hand on Brooke's wrist; the other woman met her eyes, startled.  "Brooke, there's no way you could've known Denton would have come all this way just to go after her.  Plus I think you've forgotten something I just thought of."</p><p>Brooke frowned.  "What?"</p><p>"That <b>Sunny</b> didn't think of herself.  I can imagine what she's been telling herself."  Jess bit her lip.  Those were going to be hard messages to counteract.</p><p>Brooke sank her head briefly into her hands, pulling back up after a second.  "It still doesn't excuse my neglect."</p><p>"Oh, good grief!" Jess exclaimed, rolling her eyes.  "We're <b>all</b> going to be kicking ourselves for a while.  I <b>knew</b> that line about 'good hope' in my dream was different from the book, I knew that was a probable clue, and yet I didn't follow up on it till it was almost too late.  Feeling guilty about what we did or didn't do isn't going to help us get over this any faster."  She grabbed one of Brooke's hands, felt the other woman pull away for a second, then leave it where it was, tense.  "If you can't shake the feeling, count this as a lesson learned, and all of us are still alive at the end of it.  You probably won't make a mistake like that again," she pointed out.  "You also might consider talking to Sunny about it."  Jess released Brooke's hand.</p><p>Brooke smiled at Jess; it didn't quite meet her eyes, but the expression was a little less guilt-ridden.  "Thanks, Jess."</p><p>"You're welcome," Jess replied.</p><p>"I really mean it; <b>thank you</b>.  You've been the real lifesaver today."  Brooke's face was serious, but contained that hint of warmth Jess had learned to spot.</p><p>Jess shrugged and grinned a little self-consciously.  "What are friends for, hey?"  She yawned.  "Can I be done playing Bureau psychologist now?" she asked with a wry smile.</p><p>Brooke's mouth turned up at the corners just a little.  "You're doing a pretty good job of it."</p><p>"I keep feeling like someone's going to show up and tell me I'm doing it all wrong," Jess said with a nervous laugh.</p><p>"No, you told me exactly what I needed to hear.  From what I can see, you're doing an amazing job with Sunny too."  Brooke's face softened a little more as she scanned Jess's face.  "You should rest while we're waiting; you told me you were almost as tired as her."  Brooke pointed her eyebrows towards Jess.</p><p>"I won't argue with you there," Jess said, covering another yawn.  She slumped down into the couch, leaning her head against the arm, and closed her eyes.  A few breaths, and her awareness dwindled to nothing.</p>
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